Speaker 1: 0:14

What's up my glorious humans and emotionally stunted middle schoolers who found this podcast by accident? Dj ESG here, eric Scott Gold, if we're being government official and today we're talking about the world's oldest sport after lying on resumes and pretending you read the terms and conditions Bullying, oh yes, the OG drama, the timeless pastime of insecure weirdos who peaked in seventh grade and never emotionally left. Grab your snacks. It's going to be long, loud and lair with enough sarcasm to peel paint off a guidance counselor's office wall. So let me take you back way back to when dinosaurs roamed the earth, and by dinosaurs I mean cassette tapes, and kids actually played outside. Yeah, I know, outside, where the sun lives, where there's no wi-fi. We're falling, actually hurt, instead of just losing snapchat streaks.

Speaker 1: 1:05

I grew up in a row home in philly. For those of you born after stranger things came out, a row home was like a bunch of houses glued together because apparently, personal space was a luxury. Back then we didn't have uber, ipads or find my friends. We had go outside and scream until your friends hear. You want a game of stickball was a luxury. Back then we didn't have Uber, ipads or Find my Friends. We had go outside and scream until your friends hear you Want a game of stickball. Better hope Jared's not ground there for getting a B in social studies or we're not fucking playing. So that's what we did. We played stickball and street hockey and basketball until the actual athletic kid showed up and turned it into a live episode of SportsCenter. Shout out to Jardell Playground, where I once got dunked on by Rasheed Wallace so hard my fucking ancestors felt it. But after the games, oh, that's when the savagery began. If someone lit a cigarette, cracked a beer or found an audience aka three other kids and one confused pigeon it was open mic, roast night. And guess who was usually on the mic? Not me, I was the headliner of the victim list.

Speaker 1: 2:03

Now let's get emotional, shall we? According to google, which we all know is the modern day, holy scripture, bullying is aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person's injury or discomfort, which is a fancy way of saying hey, I've got unresolved emotional trauma and no coping skills, so I'm going to make fun of your lunchbox. Listen before you'll come at me with your Pinterest parenting and glutton-free philosophies. Yes, I know, violence isn't the answer, except when it totally is. Don't at-sign me. I swear to God. I'm not saying go full Mortal Kombat on your local middle school nemesis, but one time seventh grade me had enough of Tim the Tyrant and let's just say Daniel's son face-busted him right in the head and he never bothered me again. Coincidence? I think not. Crane, kick out Newsflash.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Most bullies aren't just bored, they're broken. These kids aren't evil masterminds, they're walking therapy sessions in need of a couch and someone to actually ask how their day was. They've got problems like real ones absent parents, drama filled homes, probably got told to man up at age five and haven't emotionally exhaled since. But do we ask what's going on? No, we say stuff like billy, say sorry and send them to watch videos about kindness narrated by a sock puppet That'll fix it right. Oh and yes, a new age of bullying where kids don't even have to say it to your face anymore. They can roast you on Instagram and get 47 likes before second fucking period. You ever seen a 12 year old get roasted in a group chat? It's like digital collision Gladiator meets mean girls and the worst part, you can't even throw a punch back. You got to come with a savage comeback in like 0.4 seconds or suffer eternal shame. And if you're quiet, oh Jesus, now you're a group project. Everyone's working on breaking you down. Hey parents, yes, you with the live, laugh, love wall art. We need to talk. You're not your kid's BFF, you're their parent. You're the one with the car keys, the wi-fi password and the power to make broccoli non-negotiable. So act like it. You think going to school makes it worse for them? Sure, maybe for a week, but is that worse than your kid crying in their room every night while you scroll tiktok and pretend not to hear it? Grow up, karen, and do your fucking job.

Speaker 1: 4:17

Now let's talk about schools, aka the majestic land of policies, protocols and people terrified of lawsuits. Oh, we can intervene. What if the bully's mom posts a Facebook rant? Excuse me what? You're telling me? That your $200,000 salary and Super Nintendo pension is more important than my kid not getting emotionally wrecked in the cafeteria. But go ahead. Tell me again how it's students first, always, fucker.

Speaker 1: 4:38

You want to talk about students first, always. Let's do it, because Joe Clark didn't chain those doors at Eastside High for a pat on the back. He did it to protect the students. That's students first. You, your students may be fourth, maybe fifth, right behind standardized test scores, board politics and Karen from the PTA's cookie fucking fundraiser. You want to prove me wrong, cool? Cookie fucking fundraiser. You want to prove me wrong? Cool, drop the paycheck.

Speaker 1: 4:59

Walk into the school, chain the doors and say not today, bullies. Until then, have several seats. Parents, grow a backbone. Talk to your kid. Talk to the school. Talk to the damn neighbor who lets their kid be a menace. Just talk Schools. Cut the red tape. If little Johnny is being a psychopath, stop worrying about his soccer scholarship and handle it.

Speaker 1: 5:21

Bully kids, remember this. They bully you because you've got something they don't Could be kindness, could be confidence, could be a normal, functioning family. Don't give them your power. Let them spiral on their own and bullies my sweet little emotional, clogged gremlins. Go talk to someone, not your xbox, a human. You need help, not followers. Look, I'm not saying I have all the answers, but I've been through enough, seen enough and heard enough bull in my life to know this bullying is a cycle and unless someone parent, teacher, friend, literally anyone gets off their emotional, constipated high horse and decides to break it, we're just going to keep raising kids who are either scared, scarred or psychopathic. So yeah, I'll say it again Students first, always, and not just when it's convenient, not just when the board's watching, not just when there's a PR crisis all the time. So that's it. That's the episode.

Speaker 1: 6:08

If you're a bully, do better. If you're being bullied, fight smart, emotionally, mentally, metaphorically, or if absolute necessary, roundhouse, kick the dude in the gym class with zero remorse. And if you're a parent or teacher and don't know where to start, try starting. Call me, I don't charge, I don't want your money. I just want to see a world where kids don't cry themselves to sleep because some 13-year-old with a Snapchat addiction thinks it's funny to be an asshole. Hey, to my superintendent suck my Peace, love and enough sarcasm to power. A PTA meeting I'm DJ ESG and I'm out. Peace.