Speaker 1: 0:14

What's up, guys? Dj ESG and this is the Rock Bottom Podcast. And today we're talking about something dear to my heart Newtown, pa, and the Newtown Business Association, which I used to be a part of. So welcome to my podcast that boldly goes where no chamber of commerce has gone before. I'm your host, your sarcastic tour guide through the bougie, the bizarre and the surprisingly heartwarming world of small town businesses in yes, the 18940. Today we're talking about the bizarre and the surprisingly heartwarming world of small-town businesses in, yes, the 18940. Today we're talking about the NBA, or, as I like to call it, the Illuminati of local commerce.

Speaker 1: 0:45

If you've never heard of them, congratulations on living under a rock. And if you have heard of them, I'm sorry. You're probably already on three committees and you haven't seen your family in weeks. Let's start with the basic truth. This isn't just an association. It's a social club, a networking cult and an excuse to hold a truly unnecessary number of parades. Yes, they do events, big ones. We're talking Welcome Day, which is like speed dating for businesses, but with more free samples. Then there's the antique classic car show, where we all pretend to know the difference between a 68 Mustang and a random rusty Ford. That probably shouldn't be street legal. And of course, the Newtown Holiday Parade a magical event featuring 60 floats, 18 marching bands, 14 Santas, three rogue elves and a local dentist on a hoverboard hanging out floss like it's candy. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's talk about the NBA and what it actually is. It's a mom friend of local businesses. It plans all the events, does all the emotional labor and somehow manages to keep this whole beautiful mess from falling apart. They offer networking events, support, marketing resources and what I assume is unlimited supply of branded pens. They exist so that small businesses can connect, collaborate and occasionally complain about the township's parking situation together in solidarity. Now let's meet some of the characters in this business sitcom we call Newtown First up.

Speaker 1: 2:02

Let's talk about the Green Parrot Pub and Patio and my favorite person in the entire world, bobby Lutz. If Cheers had a baby with TGI Fridays and that baby got into Trivia Nights, you'd have the Green Parrot. The wings are solid, the beer is cold and if you haven't been hit on by somebody in a backwards Eagles cap, you haven't lived. Every year they walk in and ask Bobby if he wants to join, and every year he goes. Yes, I'm not sure if he goes to any of the meetings, but Bobby's just the nicest guy you'll ever meet, so sure. Here's my money. I'll see you guys after the parade.

Speaker 1: 2:30

Then there's Body 20, newtown. This place straps you into an electrical suit and shocks your muscles into thinking they've worked out. It's like CrossFit meets Ironman, except you leave feeling both jacked and emotionally confused. Fred Astaire Dance Studio is also on the list. If you want to dance like no one's watching, perfect, they'll watch you, judge you lovingly and teach you how to waltz while pretending you're on Dancing with the Stars.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Bucks County Edition. Shout out to Calm Wooders Coffee, where the espresso is smooth, the vibes are immaculate and the baristas definitely have better hair than me. You go in for a latte. You come out having re-evaluated your entire life. Okay, back to welcome day.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Picture this a thousand folding tables, balloons, kids screaming, local business owners handing out stress balls like it's their religion. Someone's wearing a banana costume for reasons unknown. Yeah, you get a mortgage quote. Eat a pulled pork sandwich, get a free back massage and schedule a dental consultation all before noon, and you will leave with 11 tote bags, six coupons for things you didn't know you needed. $5 off gutter repair. Yup, don't mind if I do. And let's not forget the nonprofit hustle. The counselor rock education foundation is there reminding you that our teachers are working miracles with budgets that would make a goldfish. Thank you so much, christina. Buds and Beaks Art by Steffi K Ripka, because birds deserve boutique art too. Oh, steffi Fear Boutique the only place in town that sounds like it both sells fashion and jump scars Pliables, newtown, where you can pay $12 to eat a smoothie with a spoon and feel morally superior about it.

Speaker 1: 4:16

I love Pliables, no disrespect. Love, love, love pliables. Iron Valley Real Estate will help you find a home, while Junk Luggers will help you clean out the one you regret buying. And, of course, there's a Newtown Theater where the seats are historic, the popcorn is suspiciously good, so is the guy behind the counter serving it to you and the drama is both on stage and in the facebook mom group about the parking situation. Yes, now, you still with me, because we're only halfway through this guide of the village of capitalism that is an nba.

Speaker 1: 4:48

Okay, now, we've talked about events, we've named job businesses, we've uttered non-profits, but now, now it's time to get the real meat of the new town, the networking events. You think a high school has clicks. Oh jesus, oh no. Let me introduce you to the nba networking happy hour. Networking happy hour at the sycamore grill goes like this you show up 15 minutes early because you're anxious and read online that punctuality is professional. You see someone from credo wealth management who definitely knows what a Roth IRA is but also definitely just came for the sliders. Collect a business card from a guy who introduces himself with I used to be in marketing, but now I flip houses and also teach yoga and then you leave, having made exactly one connection with the bartender, who now knows your drink order and your middle name.

Speaker 1: 5:34

Let's go back to the spotlights of the true icons of the nba, the newtown library company. They've been around since 1760 that's right, books older than your grandmom. A place where you can check out war and peace and accidentally check out emotionally for six weeks. Their wi-fi is fast, their floors creak and they're haunted and, honestly, we love them for it. Mcafree's food markets this is where newtown's elite do their weekly grocery haul. While pretending not to judge your cereal choices. You want to see someone in leggings buying 13 olive oil while on bluetooth call with their contractor mcafree's. It's like whole foods got a bucks county personality transplant.

Speaker 1: 6:07

Jake's eatery. You haven't lived until you had breakfast at jake's at 8 am, next to a table of retired men discussing how the eagles blew the playoffs in 1987. The borscht Belt. Now. This place is a deli, a vibe, a lifestyle, if you're not pairing your sandwich with a side of existential dread and pastrami-induced joy. Are you even a local? I'm Jewish. Love the Borscht Belt.

Speaker 1: 6:28

Action Karate Do you have a kid with too much energy and not enough respect for your furniture? Action Karate will fix that fast. We're talking disciplined focus and the occasional flying kick to self-esteem. And let me tell you the guy that runs this joint, absolute stud. Nothing but cakes. We don't know what a bunt is, but we know if it's warm and frosted we'll eat four of them. It's the perfect for birthdays, office parties or crying alone in your car. And the woman that owns it is the biggest gem in Newtown Exact Solar. Tired of paying Pico to ruin your mood every month, slap some panels on your roof and make the sun work for you. Exact Solar, because renewable energy is hot, literally.

Speaker 1: 7:04

Now, in all seriousness, for like 90 seconds, let's give credit where credit's due the businesses in the Newtown Business Association. They hustle hard From the folks at the Council Rock Education Foundation, supporting schools, to the Cancer Support Community, greater Philadelphia, offering and Hope to Autism Cares Foundation, Elizabeth's Wish and so many more. These people show up for their community. They donate raffle items to fundraisers, they host donation drives, they sponsor 5Ks, even though the only running they personally do is from invoice deadlines. So yeah, we joke, but these people are the real MVPs of our town.

Speaker 1: 7:35

What have we learned today, my friends? That the NBA is somehow both a networking group and a social movement, that businesses here are run by passionate, weirdly specific geniuses and that if you attend enough events, eventually someone will hand you a tote bag filled with breath, mints, branded pens and enlightenment. Newtown isn't just a town, it's a vibe. A vibe with good espresso, strong opinions on landscaping and a seriously high number of chiropractors. So the next time you're tempted to skip a local event, don't go show up.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Meet someone, buy something, support the businesses who make newtown more than a pretty zip code. And if you see me at the next welcome day, you won't. I'll be the one in the oversized sunglasses holding the clipboard and pretending to know what I'm doing. So I appreciate you guys coming out for the rock bottom podcast today I got plenty of jokes season and sarcasm, but my local pride is deep like under the layers of all the satire, just like Judge Petrucci who loves the 18940. Like, share, subscribe and don't forget your local businesses, even if it's just by stalking their social media. Until next time, take care of yourself and each other. Jerry, jerry, jerry, jerry.