Speaker 0: 0:14

What's up guys? Dj ESG, and yeah, usually I'm here bashing the superintendent and his mini midget. But, honest to God, today I'm in it for the kids, I'm in it for the parents because this is my district, this is my town and, honest to God, I really want to see this school district thrive and be the number one district in all of Bucks County, if not all of Pennsylvania. You know my hatred for Baldo 1 and Baldo 2, it is what it is. But, honest to god, after listening to the facilities meeting last night, I'm gonna break this down for my parents and friends in a layman's term that you guys will understand and tell you the good, the bad and the ridiculous in a very short period of time, not the three plus hour meeting that we had to listen to yesterday. I'm gonna try to get this down under 15 minutes, which would have saved a lot of people, a lot of time, money and tylenol last night.

Speaker 0: 0:56

So last night the school district met usual suspects, board members, consultants and a few people who couldn't fix a thermostat with youtube in three hours of free time. The topic district-wide maintenance and the chancellor's center again, but nothing screams functioning government. Like revisiting the same building with a water problem 10 years running. Okay, let's start with what's being recommended for action Fuel bids, propane boilers and, oh yes, the glamorous world of custodial RFPs Riveting. But let me break it down in a way that even Superintendent Dumbo can understand. You see, while other districts, like Lower Merion and Radnor, are installing solar panels and STEM labs, council Rock's big move this year a floating gas price contract and a $33,000 change order for a nanatorium boiler. That's right, folks. Our innovation is redundancy fucking loops. Now let's talk custodial services. Six companies submitted proposals and ABM, the existing vendor, wins again. Why? Because they had binders yes, binders. Like it's 1999 and office max just open. But al was very happy. Golf clap from home. Let me explain why this matters. Year one 5.8 million that's right. You could hire 83 full-time custodians at 70 000 a year with beanies and still have room for swiffers. Instead we get abm's 80 staff retention rate and an annual 4% price bump Genius. Now Council Rock versus local districts Custodial budget FY25. Council Rock 5.8 million. Abm 80% retention. Binders. Hensbury 4.2 million. In-house and contracted Local oversight. Better cost control. Central Bucks 5.0 million. Vendor mix of private and internal audit. Lower marion 5.5 million. Hybrid tech-based reporting system. So while lower marion janitors are tracked by qr codes and data dashboards. Counselor rock is over here flipping through laminated charts like it's a sixth grade science fair.

Speaker 0: 2:51

Now back to the chancellor center fucking soap opera. Let's get to the main event again the chancellor center, home, admin offices and probably mold spores, older than the Declaration of fucking Independence. The big decision whether to renovate, relocate or just pray harder. So here's your cost breakdown on a place that your kids don't even go to Patch job, throw a tarp over the problems and light a candle $6.5 million. For $7.7 million dollars we can fix the big stuff hvac leaks and still look like it's 1972 inside. For 11.4 million we can get a full cosmetic glow up. But wait at 16 million, site work and interior reno aka. We should have done this in 2015. Now let's pause. You mean to tell me we're spending $16 million renting a temp chiller for $15K a month, moving staff to a 60-year-old building with no ADA compliance, just to avoid phasing?

Speaker 0: 3:48

Lower Moreland built a whole middle school for less A whole fucking middle school. All right, rms Retirement Home for Boilers. If you're not familiar with Richboro Middle School, let me paint you a picture. Imagine your home for boilers. If you're not familiar with richboro middle school. Let me paint you a picture. Imagine your grandmom's basement now. Imagine teaching administrative staff to work there and charge you 60k to move them in. The building is the physical embodiment of the phase just warm, safe and dry. Except it's barely any of those things. The boilers are collecting social security. The roof leaks like a teenager snapchat account. And don't even get me started on ada compliance. Unless you're a fucking mountain goat, you're not getting around.

Speaker 0: 4:23

The district has about 120 million in borrowing potential, but somehow can't prioritize projects without consultants and four different versions of the same powerpoint. Again, al, you're fucking useless. Let me be clear. We don't need another facility study. Stop balancing saffron like it's musical chairs with asbestos and maybe, just maybe, stop throwing half a million at temporary leases when we could have bought a warehouse, gutted it and called it chancellor 2.0. We should sequence newtown elementary and chancellor in year one to two, welsh in year three to four and fit holland lunchroom in between.

Speaker 0: 4:56

There done? I just did the three-year plan while drinking cold brew and reading last month's agenda. Dude, what the fuck? Oh, and remember, I just applied to be a hall monitor. Now let's wrap this up.

Speaker 0: 5:05

Here's what we learned today Council Rock is still duct taping its way through $16 million decisions. Rms should be a museum, not a backup office. We can't trust floating fuel prices, but we can trust binders. Apparently I, esg, just solved your five-year capital plan, saved taxpayers millions, and I did it with more charisma than anybody in that boardroom with 150 uhs and 175 uhs. So to my friends on the board, my dear superintendent Dumbo and everybody else spending my property taxes like it's Monopoly money, maybe let someone with a clue take the fucking mic next time. Harvard's calling. I'll put it on hold for now.

Speaker 0: 5:42

Before I go anywhere, I'm going to play a little game with you people. It's called the Facilities Plan Showdown. Fix it or fling it. I am the host of this amazing game show concept where the price is right meets ESPN's first take Full of sarcasm, fake awards, side-by-side smackdowns and some serious fucking shade. You know why? Because that's who the fuck I am. Welcome to Facilities Plan Showdown, the only place where boilers, budgets and brain cells go head-to-head. Let's meet our contestants.

Speaker 0: 6:12

Council, rock School District, aka the Repeat Offenders Strategy, restudy the same buildings every three years like it's Groundhog Day Signature move, $16 million in renovation plans and a $15K slash month temp chiller Catchphrase. Let's kick the can just a little farther down the road. But we also have Pensbury, the cost cutters In-house custodians no fluff, uses duct tape, but smartly, I told you I liked that fucking superintendent. Signature move 4.2 million faculty spent with a side of practicality Catchphrase. It's not sexy but it's solvent. And that's why you hire somebody from Jersey Central Bucks, the hybrid hustlers Combo of contractors and real oversight. It's weird but it works. Signature move mixing QR codes and elbow grease Catchphrases. If it ain't broke we might still renovate it. Lower marion school district the elon musks of maintenance strategy tech forward solo powered and probably building al janitors. Signature move fire suppression with flare. Catchphrase we don't fix boilers, we replace buildings.

Speaker 0: 7:06

Let's go into the ab comparison chart, the actual metrics. I'm going to compare four school districts right now average facility age count rock 50 years. Pensbury 45 years. Central bucks 40 years and lower marion 25 years. Custodial budget forecasted for 25 count rock 5.8 million. Pensbury 4.2 million. Central bucks 5.0 million. And lower marion 5.5 million.

Speaker 0: 7:29

Admin relocation plan rms with 60 year old boilers. Pensbury, an unused elementary school wing. Central bucks, a split wing use. Lower marion corporate lease headquarters. Chiller strategy rent 15k a month. That's council rock. Pensbury own it, maintain it. Central bucks, high efficiency, lower marion geothermal. I'm telling you, the guy at pensbury, tom smith, is a fucking genius.

Speaker 0: 7:52

Decision-making process, committees of chaos. Council Rock ops-driven board. Pensbury central box facilities panel, lower Merion consultants and data and known for Council Rock, binders and delays. Pensbury stretching money, cbsd steady upgrades, lower Merion total overhauls. So let's be honest, council Rock's facility plan is like watching a toddler try to build IKEA furniture with a fucking hammer. It's enthusiastic, it's expensive, but in the end the whole thing leans to the left and smells like mildew. Meanwhile, lower Merion is giving SpaceX for school energy. Pensbury is doing more with less, like grandma stretching soup. And it's a bloodbath out here, folks, it's a fucking bloodbath out here.

Speaker 0: 8:29

So final ranking the golden wrench awards gold wrench, lower marion for building schools so advanced. Even chat gpt needs a manual to understand their hvac. Silver wrench, pensbury for making 4.2 million feel like 10 million, grandma approved. Bronze wrench, central bucks respectable, consistent and only moderately bureaucratic. And the participating plunger award goes to counselor rock for for 60-year-old boilers, 30-year-old excuses and the newest addition to the rental chiller industry. That's it for this week's Facilities Plan Showdown. Reminder when it comes to school repairs, don't float your fuel prices, unless you're also floating your logic. I'm ESG, your host, your tax watchdog and your favorite walking spreadsheet of sarcasm. See you next week when.